It was drearily beautiful out today.

Its an overcast day and slightly raining. I love days like today. I wish today was a weekend so my husband and I could go to the beach and sit under the rain with the ocean crashing unto the shore. I have my windows in my home open... there is nothing better than the smell of rain.

Have you ever felt like you somehow left the real you in a crowded room sometime ago and have been searching for that room ever since you realized you weren't true to yourself anymore?

Well I have.. for the past few years. I was content, I love my life. I love my family. I am crazily happily married to a man that I never in a million years thought I would find. We've had so many hard times... but no matter how many times my heart has bleed because of that, I never thought it was over. I knew that he was the man whose arms I was meant for. I could have given up... SO EASILY many times, yet something deep down told me not to. Everyone has told me I was wrong. But I stuck it out. Our marriage still isnt perfect and I def. still hurt, all the time because of the past. I have had so many self eestem issues over the years and never once in my life felt truly pretty. There has always been something missing. I have amazing parents, obviously an amazing husband(as I already mentioned), atleast 1 TRUE friend that no matter where in the world I am at, I know will be there for me and have my back agianst anything. Anyone else would be happy and love my life. Yet there I was still looking for that crowded room so I could find myself again. My husband led me to Wicca after years and years of me wanting to follow that path and figuring out reasons why I shouldn't(mainly because of my parents, who probally wouldn't even have a problem with it anyway) and after I truly embraced it and yelled out(literally) that I was proud to be a Witch, I felt like I found part of myself agian. But still... something was missing. I started to think that Id never be whole again and tried to be happy with what I had.

2 nights ago, my husband suggested I dye my hair black and do blood red to my bangs. I LOVED the idea. I always wanted to have crazy crazy hair, but when we got married he always seemed to be against anything too odd, which bothered me but I dealt with it. So last night I dyed my hair. And all of a sudden, there she was. I was in the crowded room again and I was staring at my lost self. I felt pretty... no I felt hot. I still have alot to work on self eestem wise, but I finally feel happy and like Im myself again. It is so amazing and empowering.

I feel like I have it all now. My family, my husband, my friends, my future career path, my appearance, and my religion. It all works together now and makes me whole. It makes me truly truly HAPPY. Most of you are probally thinking, wtf, this girl dyed her hair and now shes happy?!? But I felt like I have been living in someones elses body for so long. I cant wait til my husband comes home and sees me. I think even if he doesnt like the way it looks, he will still think I look good because I feel a whole new aura around myself that I am sure is way more attactive than my old, one.

Merry Meet!

I'm 20 y/o, happily married to a handsome US Marine, living in NC... but orginally from Chicago IL. Fairly new to Wicca, although I have literally researched it bits and pieces my entire life. Until just recently, I haven't truly embraced it though. I was raised catholic and still am partially a closet witch, because my parents are not aware.

I'd love to meet new people.